This week I deleted all social media apps off my phone.
It's not the first time, and who knows how long I'll last. But I've been thinking a lot lately about my dependance on my phone, how I need to put impediments like screen time limits or I can so easily spend the entire day aimlessly scrolling.
I don't know if it's because I'm a millennial who grew up alongside social media, but I feel almost as if I've been brainwashed by the constant inflow of information and stimulation, to the point where it's so hard to just do one thing at a time, or spend any amount of time without some sort of TV or music on in the background.
To be fair, I remember having a lot of trouble concentrating on things growing up too... but those memories are from the same time as the beginnings of social media.
I'm so used to sharing my thoughts and what I'm up to on social media, that it's been very interesting in the last couple of days to be aware of things I would usually share, but I can't, because the apps are gone, and I think that might be a good thing for me.
In thinking about finding a way for me to continue sharing what I'm doing and thinking about, I'm reminded of the old days and sites like LiveJournal where you could kind of just speak into the void. I don't know why that feels so different than how social media is now. I'm also thinking about how blogs used to be able sharing thoughts and now they're more about using keywords and writing about topics that will pull in an audience.
I'm tired of trying to treat being an artist like a business. I'll always sell my work, but I don't like the whole sales thing of identifying your ideal customer's needs and marketing art as if it will solve their problems.
Art is transformative. I do believe in the power of having art you love on your walls. But I don't want to shove that down anyone's throat and I don't want to feel like I'm having to manipulate people into thinking my art is worth their money.
This entire post has no purpose, and I like that. I'm just talking. I'm not selling anything. I'm not teaching anything. This is what I want sharing my life to look like.
In terms of an actual update:
What's on my hook/needles: I'm currently knitting my first pair of shorts, using the same yarn I used to knit a top recently. I did originally want it to be a matching set, but I knitted the top in flat pieces and seamed it together, whereas I'm knitting in the round for the shorts, so the beautiful pattern that the yarn makes will look slightly different. And yes, I realize I'm starting a shorts project when it's always December! I have to follow where my interest takes me, and I'm enjoying actually following a pattern as a change from self-drafting most of my knit and crochet projects.
Painting stuff: I took a fairly long break from painting recently. Fairly long for me meaning a few weeks, maybe a couple months? I just wasn't feeling the pull. To be honest, I think I would find it easier to create if so much of my studio (the second bedroom in our place) weren't filled to the brim with paintings. It's very overwhelming!
There's nothing wrong with taking breaks. I didn't want to force myself to paint when I wasn't feeling it. But I was also feeling a bit nostalgic for the days when I would paint every day, at least once a day, because the pull was so strong.
I also know that sometimes you do need to put yourself in a setting that promotes creating... it's not about forcing anything, but in order to start painting, you need a clear space and you need some paints on a palette and some brushes and a jug or two of water, and having those things set up can help get you started.
So I did (eventually) just that. I honestly felt a little nervous to start, but I ended up scribbling paint on some scraps, and then I found myself exploring a few ideas: swatching each paint colour I use, and a "scrap canvas" for extra/leftover paint.
These aren't new ideas for me, but I'm not sure I've ever really executed the vision. I'm not sure I did this time either!
But I ended up focusing in on the task of mixing the colours on my palette and painting square-ish shapes on a very lumpy, very textured, very old canvas that has lived many lives over the years.
When I was finished, my palette empty and all the squares filled (except one I overlooked), I didn't know whether I liked what I'd made or thought it was ugly, but it didn't matter! It felt really good. And it was a perfect way to dip my toes back in.
I think a part of me was scared that I wouldn't remember how to paint because of the break, but it's such an ingrained part of me after 10 or so years of developing my craft, that it felt very familiar.
It also reinforced for me the importance of feeling free to experiment and play in my art practice, without worrying about things like the final result, whether it would fit in with my art style, whether other people would like it.
A fun side effect of this mindset is that when I looked at what I'd painted the next day, I kind of loved it!
I wish I could say that I'll be writing here consistently, but I can't commit. All I know for now is that this felt really good and a lot more aligned than anything I've shared on social media in a long time. So catch me here or by email. I'm not planning on downloading the apps again for as long as I can hold out!
Can you spot the square I missed on this painting?
xo Hannah
SO nice to read a post like this instead of on social media. I do like the social part of it, but I don't like that it draws people into performing for others rather than just being themselves. Sometimes you just need to rant or talk about nothing. There doesn't have to be a motive. This applies to painting or any art as well. You can just do it for the sake of doing it and see where it leads. Looks like you painted a quilt!